As you have been aware over the last few months, I have been struck down with an autoimmune disease called Ulcerative Colitis one that some folk have for many years and cure themselves either holistically or via conventional medicine. I have always been a great believer in the holisitic approach where ever possible but sometimes that alone will not cure something that is raging so fiercely inside you no matter how much self belief you may possess and have it in bag-fulls. But my condition came on full blast and has never abated since the summer of last year, and with a mixture of both conventional medicine and herbal tinctures has not had any effect on my health! I tried to exist as normally as you can in this state but with rapid wieght loss and energy so depleted for a once bouncy full fit, all running all swimming yoga freak succumbs to crawling along like a tortoise. This in turn effects all aspects of your creativity having less to give in something you give so freely without thinking, leaving you feeling like there is no end in sight at times. I have thankfully mamnaged to get most of the remixes in for the new album and finished 3 mixes myself just to make sure that if things continue to escalate I can at least feel like there has been something good and positive to come out of all this madness!
So here I am trying to conduct my life from a hospital bed, as the world outside carries on, I am left feeling some what isolated in this bubble of clinical rooms and nurses in various pink and blue uniforms. There is no real natural light coming in as my room is locked into a walled area and my view is another wall with views onto what looks like the garbage and delivery area and the constantly rattling of trolleys being pushed from one part of the hospital to another, this is my sound-scape, well part of it, along with buttons and beeps of various machines they wheel in to take my observations, blood pressure, temperature, heart rate, blood sugar, and I have become the human pin cushion with daily IV infusions and blood tests and stomach injections!
The one thing I have observed while being here is just how hard the nurses and doctors work and I am so in admiration for what they do, I feel compelled to express my gratitude at every given moment as I know our government pays them a paltry amount and are constantly cutting back on something we the common people pay for in our national insurance and taxes, what I wouldn’t give to storm into one of those big fat bankers and shake them to give up there billion pound pay offs to give back to those who unfortunately are unable to afford swanky Harley Street private hospitals with on call hot towels and gourmet food options! I am actually so appreciative of what we do get here in the UK unlike that in the USA where free health care is non existent.
My prognosis is up and down and I am currently on a new trial drug to see if this will indeed cure me as everything else at present has failed, I certainly feel a lot better than I did a couple of days ago as I was immersed in one of the worst black holes and thought I was never going to get out! I am hoping that it will not succumb to the inevitable surgery which will be a big deal as this will be over a year of 3 operations and recuperation. But I am taking each day as it comes and with the support of my great circle of close friends and family showering me with so much support and love I feel this has been a journey of both enlightenment and change and made me really take stock of what is important in this life we are given and really appreciate what we do have as opposed to what we want!
I am sorry that this is not a blog about all thing music but as my life is such a big contributor to my art I feel it is necessary to document and share these journeys and I in turn will at some point express them artistically..
Well I am about to get my next round of drugs and doctors coming by so will sign off for now.
Here’s to Neotropics new adventure to continue!
I would like to write a couple of things after readed your words.
But.. my head is heavy and it is so hard to think in english.
I could write it in polish! 🙂 But… you won’t understand it.
Ps. One of my favourite song is ‘Do you know how to Waltz?’ From what album is it?
Everything best, goodnight…